The Grass Looks Oh So Apealing On The Other Side....

Everyone has heard the saying "the grass looks greener on the other side" and most people know what this means.  In case you haven't heard this saying before, it means that a person is unhappy with their current situation and starts looking else where for something better.  This  usually happens in a serious long-term relationship and sadly even in marriages.  It took me a long time to figure out this whole love thing and because of this I've made some ungodly decisions due to my ignorance and lack of knowledge that hurt my husband and my children. 

Love is not a feeling and this should be understood before I continue on.  Love is a choice and I'm convinced that most people go into relationships having no clue what the true meaning of love is and I was one of them.  I almost lost everything all because I was living my life according to how I felt.   No one ever goes into a relationship thinking  their mate will cheat on them, abuse them, abuse drugs and alcohol, or treat them unfairly.  We all want to be loved, respected, put first, and treated fairly and when we decided to start a new relationship this is what we expect.   We know that no one is perfect but when it comes to our feelings we expect people to always treat us right. 

I struggled after the first few years of my marriage thinking I had fell out of love with my husband because I didn't feel the same as I did in the beginning.  We started fighting all the time, we chose to put other things and people before each other, his feelings didn't matter to much to me and mine didn't to him either.  We were losing respect for each other and before long, we hardly wanted to be around each other.  I had thought for sure we were no longer in love and so we separated.  This happened many times in the first five years of our marriage and it was easy back then because I only had one child to take with me at the time.  I was hurt, sad, and always felt let down by him.  I never really paid any attention to how I was treating him, all I was concerned about was how he was treating me. 

I became delusional thinking that we must not be meant for each other and more and more the grass started looking greener on the other side.   I wanted those feelings I once had with him in the beginning and I felt I deserved those feelings back, and all my family and friends agreed with me.  When you fall in love and experience that feeling of ecstasy for the first time you become hooked, and you soon find yourself addicted to the love high.  But, when you start to noticed things about your mate that shows they are imperfect, or they suddenly start treating you differently, things begin to change and you begin to coming down for that love high.   This is when a conscious decision needs to be made whether or not you will choose to love that person or continue to live by your feelings. 

There are a few questions you should ask yourself when making this decision: 

1. How much am I willing to deal with?
2. Am I capable of loving him through the difficult times?
3. Am I willing to accept that we are both imperfect?
4. Can I stay faithful to him?

I must tell you that doing these things alone will not be successful and I tell you this from experience.  I had to invite God into my life and my marriage and I had to trust in Him.  If it wasn't for God we would be divorced living separate lives.  God has given me great wisdom and understanding that the world cannot understand.  One who has wisdom will acknowledge that every relationship no matter what type it is will have it's issues. 
When you start looking to see if the grass is greener on the other side you should first acknowledge that if you should leave and go to the other side you are only trading one set of problems for another, and you risk getting worst problems then what you already have. 

Now with all of this being said; by no means am I suggesting you stay in a relationship where you feel your life is in danger; God would never expect you to either. 

Scripture verse: 1 Corinthians 3: 4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.